My Life Story

So, I've never really been one for blogging, but I thought that it might be nice to actually get some thoughts out of my head for once. I've been feeling this pressing need to write lately, but I haven't really been inspired to actually put anything out. Needless to say, I remembered this blog that I had created a few years ago, and felt like I could give it a shot. I'll try and update this often with whatever I feel I have to say. For the moment, I think I'll just start by telling you about my life and who I am.

My name is John. I was born 22 years ago to a mother and father who loved and cared for me. I grew up with two older brothers, and a sister who came to visit as often as she could (my parents were on their second marriage each, so all my siblings are half-siblings. My sister lived with her mom in California, we lived in Arkansas). I was always raised to believe I was smart, and because of that I always found myself thinking that I was smarter than those around me. This trait caused me to be pushed around my whole life (apparently other kids don't like it when you act smarter than them, who knew?). Sadly, I still have some of that same tendency; I don't think it'll ever truly go away. Now I have the wisdom, most of the time at least, to simply keep my mouth shut.



My parents divorced when I was 15. This event was one of the defining events of my life. I hate to say it, but it will always shape who I am and how I do things. I will never be able to look at two people without thinking that there is a possibility for divorce(Ok, that's not entirely true, but pretty much). During the short months after my parents split, my mother decided to move closer to her family, who lived Idaho. I had only visited there once, with LESS than fond memories. I had to pack my things, say goodbye to the only friends I had and restart my life. The following year and a half were probably the hardest I've had. I rebelled against my mother for taking me away from what I knew, and I was angry at my father for leaving, though I would never admit it at the time.

Shortly after the move, however, I was able to make a few new friends. One of them,Cody, is still one of my closest friends, and he did something that I will never forget. He introduced me to the band Ozma, and through them and various other earlier influences, I found myself turning to music to be my savior in my intense times of need. I still love the groups I found then, but to say that my music tastes today are the same as they were then would be false (although I do still rock out to OZMA on a fairly regular basis). Simply put, that small act became the catalyst for what is probably one of the biggest changes I ever made. Sadly for me, I wasn't able to make that change right then, and my relationship with my mother began to deteriorate. In her simple wisdom, she realized sending me to live with my father would be the best plan of action. She was right.

After the divorce, my father had moved to be closer to his family, in California. I had only visited California a few times as well, but the upside was that I actually DID have fond memories of it. I started over again, but never really got the hang of living there. I made some friends, one of which I would still call a friend, but never really fit in with the way of life there. Since I had so much time on my hands, I started to search out new music. During this time, one of my brothers came out to visit. He was smart enough to introduce me to Thrice and Senses Fail. I didn't especially love his new music at first, but I was willing to give it a shot. I slowly opened my eyes to a world of music in which people didn't always have happy simple lives. I saw that I wasn't the only dysfunctional human being in the world. These two groups, along with Ozma and the classic rock I grew up on would be the entire foundation for the love of music I have today.

After 6 months of living with my dad, it became apparent that I would not graduate if I continued to attend school in the school district my father lived in. My only other option was to move back in with my mother. Luckily for the both of us, I had grown up enough to make life not miserable. I also was able to go back to the high school that I had hated and somehow managed to fit in. Or at least fit in more. I made new friends, and I'll always be sorry that I wasn't able to do that earlier. It's still one of the few regrets I have in life. I had also been dating a girl for over a year (we'd met when I was living with my mom previously, and had even managed long distance), and our relationship was slowly caving in. I wish that I would have been man enough to walk away earlier, but I still felt that I needed her to make myself happy. I'm sorry I wasn't mature enough to let her go.

I little over half way through my senior year, that relationship fell apart. I was angry because she wasn't committed enough to me, and she was angry that I was asking her to choose between her family and me. Looking back now I realize how selfish I truly was, and I hope that she's forgiven me. I think she has, and I'm glad that we've been able to maintain a friendship after all these years. During this crucial time, I started going to shows more frequently. I was lucky enough to see a little known band by the name of Hudson River School. I still dig their music, but as is the way of most little known bands, they broke up before getting anywhere (except into the hearts of their fans). Luckily for me, this particular show introduced me to another group by the name of The Brobecks, in one of their earliest incarnations.

All in all, The Brobecks are the group that I have seen live the most, including two shows at which I was one of the only fans. Out of like 20 people altogether. Simply put, I got to get intimate with this group, and I still would put them in my top three bands of all time. And no I will never be able to crown a Number One, I change my mind depending on my mood. The indie rock scene was something that I craved, that I needed to help maintain my sanity and happiness. I went to shows as often as I could, and I still love going to shows, the smaller the better.

After moving back in with my mom (and going through one summer of Summer School), I was able to graduate on time. I stayed with my mom for a few months, but my brother offered to let me move in with him, once again in a new state, Arizona. I wanted to make my own way in life, and I wasn't quite ready to go to college. So after Christmas, I left my mom's and started my life as an "adult".

I moved in with my brother in January of '06. We lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment that was connected to a house. (It wasn't technically a studio apartment, but only just...) I slept on a trundle bed that was pulled out into the center of our "living room" every night, then safely stowed underneath my brothers bed during the day. After about 2 weeks, I realized my entire life savings were dwindling to a mere few hundred dollars... I needed a job, desperately. I found my local phone book, and started calling employment agencies. One of them actually interviewed me, and from them I started my first real job. (Yes, I'd gotten jobs before, this is the first one that paid me significantly more than minimum wage and gave me benefits.)

I worked as a computer technician at the ripe old age of 18. I was a punk kid, fairly fresh outta high school, trying to make my way in the corporate world. For the most part, I think I did a pretty good job. I made friends with my co-workers (most of whom were at least ten years my senior) and found myself a little spot within that organization that I could call my own. I was a trusted employee, a "valued team-member" if you will, but I wasn't very happy. I had a car, a job, a new apartment (yes, we eventually moved out of the almost studio) and NO ROMANTIC PROSPECTS whatsoever. Not to mention no college degree. I decided the best course of action was to move back with my mom and go to College, full time. I was offered an opportunity working for the summer as a Security Systems technician with promises of large paychecks and (relatively) fun times. All that was required was my hard work and to be in Indiana within a few weeks. So I packed my things and left.

I started all over again upon reaching my destination. I was in an apartment with 5 other guys (luckily it was a 3 bedroom...) and working as hard as I could. Sorta... Unfortunately for me, I only installed security systems if someone else SOLD a security system, and depending on the week I could install 5 systems or 20 systems. There was no rhyme or reason to how often I got work, and my absolute need for perfection caused me to take longer on install than might be considered average. Not to mention I have a habit of talking a lot.... As the summer wore on, I started to fall behind on a few of my bills, but I kept going. I figured if I could just make it College everything would be ok. I might be broke, but who isn't in College?! Not to mention at the end of the summer, you get a nice fat check for working the whole thing. (These kinds of companies save a portion the pay for every install you do and keep it from you until you complete the whole summer. It's their incentive to not run off...)

During the summer, I met a girl. I was busy, I was worried, I was not planning on staying and suddenly, I found myself starting a relationship with a girl (or woman, whichever you prefer) who I barely knew. But I just couldn't help myself. Kayla caught my eye the first second I met her, and I was completely under her spell. We connected in a way that I had never connected with anyone before. The sad thing is that I was moving in just over a month. We decided to try and make long distance work, and I left her to finish college while I was just barely starting. I knew what I was doing though (or so I thought) so I started over again, this time trying to go to school and work out my financial issues at the same time. I moved back in with my mother.

Allow me to introduce my other brother now. See, he had just moved back in with my mother as well, only he's 6 years older than me. He's crude, he's annoying, and he likes to cause drama (I, for some reason, still love him despite this). Pair that with my own mother who has a penchant for drama (our whole family comes by it naturally) and a stepfather that I had never really connected with. Needless to say, it was a fun environment to live in. Oh, and they just so happened to live about 30 miles away from my college, and I had to work full time to try and keep up on my bills. I was not a happy boy...

I started out fine in college, but after a few months of 13 hour days with a half hour drive each way started to wear on me. I started to fall behind on my school work.I figured the best thing to do would be to go to find an apartment closer to school. I was able to find a place that I thought I could afford, and moved in after just a few months with my family. Unfortunately for me, bills wouldn't stop going away, and new debts kept piling up. The big check from the summer still didn't get me where I wanted to be financially. I made the decision to leave college for later, and just focus on getting out of debt. I continued working full time at a job that didn't pay me enough because I wanted to learn to be a salesman. I was selling cell phones in the mall (in a small rural town of all places) and I was trying to prepare myself for a summer SELLING security systems, rather than installing them. You see, that's where real money can be made, and I wanted to see a part of that. One summer doing marginally well can earn someone about 40,000 dollars. (If I hadn't personally seen that from one of my former roommates, I might not have believed it myself.) SO I continued at my dead end job until in February of '08 I left to start training to be a door-to-door salesman.

Simply put, I am not cut out to be a door-to-door salesman. I have worked plenty of retail in my life, and I'm actually rather good at that. Door-to-door sales is an entirely different game. Maybe eventually I could've figured it out, but I soon found out I wouldn't be able to stick around long enough to be sure. After a week of attempting to sell security systems, I hit rock bottom, financially speaking that is. An automatic payment of a lapsed apartment contract (the one with my brother; I left my name on the lease when I left, but I had a roommate come and take my place. He and my brother both lost their jobs at about the same tame, and the debt collectors were coming after me for the money...) overdrafted my bank account to the tune of 1,000 dollars, not to mention the overdraft fees, and I had no real expectation of getting a paycheck in the near future. I had to change what I was doing, as fast as I possible could. I quit trying to sell security systems, and instead took the first job I could find.

Working in a factory.

...Making butter.

I was an official butter maker. I can tell you more about butter than you will ever want to hear. I know what cream tastes and smells like (not pleasant), and I was key to the process of turning that into a delicacy renowned the world over. I know butter inside and out. I know what butter with too much salt tastes like. I know what butter from spoiled (not like moldy spoiled, just past its prime or potentially substandard to begin with) cream tastes like.... (And no that doesn't go to stores, you don't have to worry about buying tainted butter.....) I know butter. But it was a job, and I desperately needed a paycheck, and they were paying me fairly well. Lucky for me, a couple months after starting that job, one of the best things ever happened. Kayla finished college and moved to Utah to be closer to me. Yes, the same girl I met during the summer installing security systems.

I found myself in a strange new situation. I wasn't horribly depressed, and I had at least a few things going my way. I hated my job, but for good reason. Not so much the actual job, but the management of that company and I did not get along. But I stayed because I needed the money. I came home everyday, and I got to be with someone who genuinely made me happy. I was in an apartment with friends that I liked, and I was starting to get out of debt. It was going to be a long and painful process, but I was at least on the right path. The months seemed to fly by, and I found myself increasingly satisfied with life. It wasn't perfect, but things were moving in a decent direction. I still was broke, but at least I was happier.

In order to expedite my getting out of debt, I started a second job in early November, working retail for a clothing store. For the first time in my life, I found a job I was genuinely good at. My ADD tendency to not stand or sit still translated to me being able to do various small projects around my department. I was able to keep myself entertained by talking to customers. I wasn't doing anything mindlessly repetitive, and I was able to keep myself busy. And dang it, my sales training HAD actually taught me a thing or two. With the extra money I had coming in, I decided to do the only logical thing I could think of. Get engaged.

I proposed to Kayla in early December. Yes, it was supposed to be a Christmas present, but I couldn't hold onto that ring more than a few days. For some strange reason, she actually agreed to marry me. ME. I still don't quite know how I managed that one. (Maybe my latent magical powers finally manifested themselves into a hypnotic effect on the people around me...) I was going to get married. Just 6 months later I had myself an official wife. We decided to move in with her parents (across the country...) so she could have a shot at going to grad school. Once again, I started my life over. This time, I was determined to have it turn out better.

We've been living with her parents now for over a year (1 year, 1 weeks and 4 days). It's been a really tough year, but at least I can look back and say it was nowhere near as hard as some other things I've been through, and I have the added bonus of Kayla backing me up. Yes we occasionally fight, usually over something stupid I've done. But I couldn't be happier. (Well, maybe if I had at least enough money for us to have our own place...) I turn 23 in just a few months, and for the first time in my life, I think I might just be ready to see what else life has in store. It's been a rough 22 years getting here, but I'm thoroughly excited for whatever is next.

I'm hoping that with this blog I can express myself and my feeling in a good way. Maybe I can introduce people to some new bands. Maybe I can make some friends, or just brighten a few peoples days. So whatever reason you're here, I hope you feel like you can come back whenever you want.

John